Being honest is hard. Well, sometimes. I am a mostly honest person, I think. I tell the truth to a reasonable degree. But the kind of honesty involved in confession is not just about giving a truthful answer when asked a question, it's about digging deeper and asking the real questions. In 2 Chronicles 6:29, Solomon describes this deep truth-telling: "each one aware of his afflictions and pains, and spreading out his hands toward this temple."
That kind of truth-telling is so hard. I could blame the dog-eat-dog world out there, or the society gluttonous on private information, or a myriad of things. But the truth is, I'm just scared sometimes. I shudder at the idea that I wouldn't look good, and tremble to think that my swirling mass of doubts and insecurities could possibly be known to the world.
And those things keep me trapped exactly where I am today. I can feel it in every aspect of my life that is changing. I can feel it when I have a conversation about HelpLink and poverty reduction in our county (Come on, Andy, you aren't qualified to be doing this). I can feel it in the midst of trying to become a better leader, pastor, husband, friend (Think of how many times you have screwed up already). And to be honest, sometimes knowledge is incriminating. When I learn that my way of being is harmful to others, I secretly wish that I could go back to before I knew anything. At least then I wouldn't be faced with the harsh prospect of change. I don't want to be aware of my afflictions and pains, sometimes. I mean, I do, but the ramifications are recognizing the impact of what I do and then trying to change.
If being honest is hard, change is even harder, but that's for another day. For today, I want to just note that when I say "be honest," this is not coming from a place of mastery. I don't come as a confession expert. I have taken some risks, yes, but I am also on the journey of becoming more and more honest myself. And it seems like every time I find a place of affliction, another one crops up. But I also believe that God is near and that I can walk this path, relying not on my strength but God's.
I like what you've said. Your call to honesty is appealing, but really scary. As some of us become courageously transparent it just might go viral.... I wonder what that would look like
ReplyDeleteBeing God's today and always, Steve
If it were easy, we'd all be doing it already ;) But an honest world might just become a better world.
ReplyDeleteBeing honest continues through our whole life. But we have a "Next Door Savior" D.Z.
ReplyDelete