"I am the Way, the Truth and the Life" (John 14): And then I came back

John 14 has a special place in my heart. God led me into the mysteries and the wonders of John 14 about a year ago.

A year ago today, I was sitting in airports and sleeping through inflight movies. In fact, I developed the skill of falling asleep on an airplane before the safety speech (much to the chagrin of the TSA, I would imagine). That may have been less of a skill and more a manifestation of sleep deprivation.

But anyway, the reason I was on an airplane a year ago was because I was returning from a three-week trip to Kenya. It was the longest trip I had ever taken, and one of the most fully-alive "vacations" in my life. In Kenya, I was brought to the very edge of my faith. In fact, I was probably led a few steps beyond faith. On my second full day in Kenya, I was walking with a pastor and an evangelist, sharing the Gospel with the people of Kenya. I talked to the elderly and the young, the receptive and the drunk, and sometimes the receptive while drunk. I looked into the hollow eyes of the child gold miners, even while wearing my gold wedding ring. This was the edge.

And so what do you share with people while feeling like a hypocrite? How do I speak of God's love when my expression of romantic love pushed them into the mines? Believe me, the day that tension goes away is the day I cease being human.

God guided my trembling hands to John 14, the print blasting forth from the pages. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me."

How do I say that? How do I say "Don't be troubled?" How do I say "Trust in God," when money (with "In God We Trust" on it) has caused so much pain for these kids?

To be honest, I have no idea what else I said. John 14 became as much of a confession as it is a passage of comfort to others. Never before has "Do not let your hearts be troubled" troubled me so much.

And then I came back. One year ago today, I was in the Netherlands, where most of our jewelry is funneled from Africa to the US. I followed the gold back to my home. And I am still troubled. Things could be so different. Perhaps the Way led me to these kids not to speak, but to be spoken to. Perhaps it is I who needed the Gospel that day, just as I need it each and every day. Perhaps staring into hopeless eyes was necessary for the fire of hope to be rekindled within me.

You see, I am naive. Literally, the MMPI rates me with a high naivete. I tend to believe against reason. And while some would see this as weakness and denial, I would argue that I have seen some of the depth of suffering in the world. I am not in denial about it. In fact, I wrestle with it constantly. Where I get naive is that I believe the Way, the Truth and the Life has the last word- not suffering. And I believe that the last word will not be "Let suffering continue," but "Let healing commence." Come, Lord Jesus.