I Don't Know What You Said

How important is listening? Consider this story.

When I was in seminary, I had the coolest invention in the world. It was a portable french press coffee maker. It was the size of a travel mug, and I would put my coffee at the bottom and put hot water into the mug. After a few minutes, I would push down a metal filter and it would push the coffee grounds to the bottom of my mug. I could then drink french pressed coffee on the go. It was so cool.

Until I got to the bottom of the mug. The filter was not perfectly designed to the mug, which did not have a consistent shape and size the whole way down (look at your travel mug and you will see). So when I drank the last bit of coffee, a landslide of coffee grounds would accompany the last gulp. The first time I had a mouthful of grounds, I was very unhappy. The mug has found its way to the garbage can.

Filters are very important. They keep the stuff you don't want away from the stuff you do want. We filter coffee, water and all sorts of other things in order to deliver the freshest stuff possible. We are encouraged to have filters in our minds as well. Christ gives us a two-part filter- love God and love neighbor. Anything that crosses into our minds which doesn't facilitate one of those actions ought to be filtered out.

But that isn't the only filter we have in our minds, is it? The work of maturity in the Christian life is one of constantly identifying and examining our filters.

In other words, I don't know what you say. I only know what I hear. You may say something to encourage me. I will hear something else because my mind filters and sifts what I hear based on what I believe about myself, God, you and the world.

Here is an example. I have a filter based on approval. If something that sounds like criticism hits my filter, it triggers a reaction. "You just don't like me," "You are wrong, I am right," "I am wrong, you are right." When I hear phrases like those, I am very likely to get an emotional reaction- an angry inner monologue, a desire to "check out," or a certain defensiveness which is unnecessary.

True listening, then, is some of the hardest work a person can do. Do you ever find yourself reacting to a person before the person is done speaking? Do you ever find yourself thinking about what "I wish I could say to _________?" Do you believe that "all ___________" believe and act the same way? Then you may have a mental filter which deserves to be investigated.

Unexamined filters have a name in our society- Prejudice. Unchecked prejudice in a society is a viral attack on God's intended shalom. And the only obvious cure for prejudice seems counter-intuitive- Listening. One of my goals is to hear as much of what you said and as little of what I filter as possible. I can't form a relationship with a filtered version of you, nor would I want to. I don't want a stereotyped/filtered version of me, I want the true me. And since I am called to love my neighbor as myself, I want to seek to know the authentic you.

So what is your filter? What keeps you from truly listening?