Here's a confession. I get jealous of other pastors. Not of their churches- frankly, I am in a place that I love with people whom I love doing ministry I love. I get jealous because they are published. Often. I hear about how they get podcasted and invited to speak at conferences and think "Why can't I be invited to speak at big conferences?" TED could use a couple innovative pastors to speak, right? When does my book deal come?
Here's the thing. That makes this whole journey of ministry all about me. I take the Shepherd's place. Even the title "pastor" is a little worrisome. Pastor is just the Latin word for shepherd. I am not the shepherd. I don't even work for the shepherd. I'm a sheep. We all are. (Maybe I should change my title... what would you call me, I wonder?)
There is a battle for identity that goes on the human heart all the time. At the center of this battle is the source of our identity. Is it me, or is it Christ? I have seen firsthand, sometimes experienced, the dangerous toll a self-centered identity can cause. Life becomes about comparison- who am I compared to the people around me? Am I good enough?
The jealousy I experience, in a self-centered identity, is a good thing. Jealousy motivates me to beat them and to become the pastor du jour, wielding influence and power over other people. Of course, it is assumed I will use that influence for good and not for evil, so it's a good thing. But that's a desire to, ultimately, become the shepherd. People need to hear my voice if my identity is based on me. But if my identity comes in that I belong to the Shepherd, then people do not need to hear my voice. They need to hear Christ's voice. They need to hear the Shepherd's voice.
And so I will probably not be on the stage at TED (although it would make for a great vacation to go to TED- I already live in a vacation destination doing what I want to do). People all over the world will not read my books or watch my videos. But hopefully, at least someone will hear the Shepherd's voice through me today.
I learn so much from you and your words. Thanks for being my shepherd. As leaders, we are called to shepherd those around us, so you are right on point. TED should have you speak. It would be awesome. Who knows?
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