Some days it is hard to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and not say "Hypocrite." Seriously. Monday mornings are the worst.
You see, I'm a pastor. People pay me money to stand in front of them and tell the old, old story what it means to be a community of followers of Christ. Often, this means painting pictures of areas in which change or transformation is required. Let's face it- following Christ is not terribly simple. And so, week after week (and fill in the multiple conversations I have weekly on the same topic) I do this thing.
So where does the "hypocrite" come in? I give impassioned sermons on the importance of doing justice, loving mercy and walking humbly with God. Meanwhile, I participate (knowingly) in systems which perpetuate injustice, I prefer grudges to mercy and have been known to pass up time with God because the newest episode of Hell on Wheels is on Netflix.
It is too common in which I work on a sermon, and in the midst of working on it, I find out that I may be the person who needs the sermon the most. Frankly, this feeling gets old. I plan on being a pastor for a long, long time. I have a lot of sermons, and a lot of Monday mornings where I will see myself in the mirror, to go.
So what do I do? Should I stop saying things unless I have personally mastered them? Maybe, but my sermons would be limited to the freeing power of sarcasm and understanding the power of your voice. Good stuff, but not quite the full counsel of God.
Do I try to drop the title of hypocrite? I could. After all, I am pretty hard on myself. Maybe my standards are just too high. Maybe I bring them down and just accept that I am who I am. I've been there. It feels good... until I recognize that my low standards help me sleep at night but they feel empty.
Perhaps I need a third option. I'm not going to stop telling the ancient tale of a follower of Christ. I'm not going to stop painting a picture in which I am not currently living. I will probably continue to preach to myself for the rest of my career. And what I will do is be honest. I will tell the story of being a follower of Christ and wrestle alongside you to live into that day by day. I will rejoice with you when I choose justice over apathy, mercy over bitterness and humility over pride. And I will rejoice with you when you do the same.
I acknowledge that I am a hypocrite, but at least I am one in recovery... just like all of us. So what do you say, shall we wrestle together?
It's Monday, and you just said what I feel. I'm not on the hotseat as much as you are...after all, I'm a nurse. But I am a pastor, and I am committed to transformation. The process seems far too slow at times because I'm still left with myself after all. But I'm going to keep on because that's what Christ wants and He's not going to give up on me or His body. Thanks Andy
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